‘Time-alone’ is a sought after treasure. A time to think, read, and ‘do what I want to do.’ The menu is simpler, conflicts are reduced, and no one is around to question decisions made or decisions postponed. We all need ‘time-away’. Time to seek God’s voice, reflect, relax and recover. We ask ourselves important questions and listen for the Spirit’s voice. Jesus was reported to regularly retreat and seek out places of solitude and prayer. However, I am coming to understand the dangerous differences between being alone, loneliness and isolation. Social distancing has consequences.
However, the very first warning in the creation story is “It is not good for man to be alone.” When people are alone, many struggle with burdens, anxiety, addictions and the sorrow of opportunities lost. Temptation knocks. Loneliness can enhance feelings of depression and can flood your mind with accusations and bitterness.
But you know what is worse than loneliness?
Isolation.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken." - (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12)
While being lonely is a sad condition, a descriptive adjective, isolate is a noun and a verb. It can be self-inflicted, a misguided self-remedy. We are warned against it but still allow it in our lives. We know it is a commandment yet it is easily ignored. And probably nothing reveals our foolishness and stubbornness as sheep in the Lord’s pasture by our disobedience. Perhaps what is most alarming about what I am talking about is the ease Christians live this out with little regret, remorse, even thinking it is okay and they are healthy Christians. It is the sin identified in the New Testament letter of Hebrews – "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." (Hebrews 10:23-25).
Now to clarify, we are discussing the willful decision to neglect being with God’s people for times of worship, prayer, the Word and service. I am referring to those Sundays and opportunities for Bible studies, service in a church ministry or prayer time with other believers that we may attend but choose not to. Consider this a gentle reminder that when we opt for personal ease, comfort, or worldly pleasures, we are neglecting an environment of blessing that can only exist with other believers.
"We, too—the many—are different parts that form one body in the Anointed One. Each one of us is joined with one another, and we become together what we could not be alone." (Romans 12:5)
Christianity is a relationship religion; we are not meant to do it alone. As the verse in Romans 12 says, Christians are meant to be interconnected. We need each other to function correctly.
Some red flags for me that I’m going through life alone are:
- I can’t figure out what I’m feeling.
- I’m stuck in negative thinking about my life or other people’s lives.
- I feel like I’m the only one going through something and no one else can understand.
- I’m in my head most of the time, thinking mostly about myself and my insecurities.
- I don’t think people like me and I don’t feel like I have many friends.
Most of us can relate to these thoughts at different points in our lives. We need friends to help us change our negative ways of thinking. Some ways to avoid these red flags are:
- Letting our friends help us pinpoint our emotions.
- Letting our friends give us a different perspective.
- Listening to our friends relate and share their own struggles.
- Hearing how our friends are doing so that we can think outside of ourselves and care for others.
- Allowing ourselves to receive encouragement from friends.
Being consistently alone—physically or mentally/emotionally—does take a toll on us:
We get into trouble when we’re alone because it’s easier to be attacked. These attacks don’t always wound us physically, but can devastate us emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. For example, we can get attacked by negative thoughts about ourselves. For some, our emotional health can worsen when we’re alone in our thoughts. It can also be easier to give into sins that make us feel ashamed when we’re alone because we want to escape feelings of loneliness, negativity, or pain.
We can also break when we’re alone, which can look like crumbling under pressure. It can also look like turning to unhealthy or addictive habits to numb out, such as drinking or drugs.
We need friends to help us when we’re down, to provide us with support, and to help defend us. We need friends to help us focus on God and believe God will help us even through the hard times.
"I mean that I want us to help each other with the faith that we have. Your faith will help me, and my faith will help you." (Romans 1:12)
We don’t need the greatest or most perfect faith to help a friend. Even if we are going through a hard time, we can still give encouragement to our friends. Sometimes the most encouraging thing we can do for our friends is be a mess in front of them.
When our friends see that we have flaws and weaknesses, they might feel more empowered to relate and share their own. Our vulnerability can help disarm them from feeling like they have to be perfect.
Godly friendships can help revive and strengthen us. They can also bring happiness to our lives. Being with friends and letting them into the challenges and successes in our lives gives us the opportunity to see that people relate to us. Our friends can help us have vision through the hard times and give us a faithful perspective on our challenges.
These kinds of friendships can also help us focus on God and his love and power. Most importantly, through our friends, we can be reminded that God goes through our troubles with us and cares about us.
